I’m Not Here

 

I’m the space cadet

I’m rarely in the moment

I think of things to myself

things most people probably don’t think

about, I obsess over.

I go into deep abysses of future,

i rarely go into the past, very little

is there and the moment can suck

most of the time,

what make a person stay in a dull moment?

we damned mortals are rarely satisfied

we rarely are the captain of our own boats

the ambiguous winds blow us to and fro

they are the captains of the ship, they are

the true masters controlling us.

The Universe

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Nothing quite makes you think like the universe

nothing quite sparks your curiosity like the universe

nothing quite helps your creativity like thinking about

the universe

whatever it is

whatever you are

being all connected

or being disconnected

what life is?

what death is?

a myriad of stars

a myriad of life forms

a myriad of things that can be understood

a myriad of things that can be misunderstood

while gazing into the abyss

 

The Years

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Have went by

I’m 39 now

a blur of people, faces and time and words

days  hours

moments you can barely recall, you remember things so

vivid at times

most of those years I felt like an alien,

someone who landed on the wrong planet of Life

the older I get the more I feel like I belong in

a fucked up world

whatever was pure is now lost

and i remained purer than most for longer

but years rain by

as lost time moves through lost

time

lost love through lost love

this Life

The Richest Man I’ve Met

 

Didn’t look rich,

like the rich you see on television,

No nice haircut, no nice shoes,  no fancy car

the dude was wearing overalls when I met him

people  would thought he was poor, high blue collar at most

but the man was damn millionaire, and he came from

a  family of millionaires that own a highly profitable farm

he could careless about what you thought him and his overralls

some making thirty thousand a year, probably had a nicer phone,

a nicer car, and nicer wardrobe

but that’s all bullshit and marketing and programming,

and making yourself feel special

but this man did not care,  and actually had money

it was no frauding

and everyone at the bar gave him his quiet respect

as he ate a smothered, pork chop when someone  whispered to me

that this man was very rich

Bullshit

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so much of it

everywhere

tricks games and lies

manipulation  “hacks”

everywhere are the clever people,

smart people

yet so few geniuses

but, the bullshitters are proud

of their games and bullshit

it overflows

and dumb naive me trying to

navigate the ocean waves of bullshit

by myself,

an impossible task.

it helps to get older

at twenty I didn’t have a clue,

just foolish and pure

now I try to play a  game

that I am not even in

but everyone has to learn the rules

of every game they play, don’t they?

or just cheat and make more rules

and shit more bull

 

Broken Cars

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All the old cars I have had

I think I have experienced just about every kind of breakdown:

the radiator   the water pump

the heater core

broken hoses,  fuckin head gasket

fuel filters,  spark plugs

starter,  alternator

battery,  solenoid switch?  what seriously?

broken window motor, that was an unexpectingly expensive repair

catalyic converter,  a bunch of time,  tie rods

the whole damn wheel

nothing like having car collapse to the ground while

driving slowly

smoke coming from the hood

smoke coming from the fucking tailpipe

hooptie, hooptie hooptie

and a transmission,

I learned about all the damned car parts

something I did not want to do

did I forget the flat tires?

 

Things Could Be Better

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The cars could be better
the schools could be better

the roads
the weather

doctors mechanics

hospitals could all be better

how we treat each other could be

better

so can are computers and lodging

your health could be better

love could be better

you could treat someone better

so can I

mental health could be
better and so can the Law

the food and the water could be better,

Im optimistic, inspite of my cynicism

there are people working to make the world better

even if those things that make the world better

are not necessarily human beings in flesh

and form

and that maybe a good great thing.