The Sun Was Nice Though

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As I read my Facebook feed,

I read about a kid having a heroin overdose death (early twenties)

a friend of mine’s brother shot to death on the street by an officer of the law (early twenties)

more Donald Trump news

Ugggh

and life feels like a bad action movie or GTA,

straight murder and dope,

blood on all of our palms

but it goes on

for some, today is a nice day

85 degrees and a cool breeze blowing

I can not silence my mind though,

while driving around in it

thinking, and worrying about some future time

plans plans plans

escape escape escape,

coding, bank account, a side hustle

and I hope my car don’t breakdown

I should enjoy this day in the moment

with the sun shining on everything

like nothing bad ever happened to anyone

the sun hitting the trees with that cool breeze

as i think i could care less about this romantic shit

I’m not one with nature

I could probably live in space in a climate controlled environment

of course

but the sun was nice out today

even with the other drivers terrifying

me with the cars and them driving those terrible things

I’ll Sit here and Be

 

I’ll sit here and be stupid

let all stuffing drop out of my head

all learning, cleverness, deceit

I shall stand here naked before you and afraid

I fear fear fear

I admit this, I am rarely brave

I must admit this because I am stupid

as surely as one who stands naked before you

and don’t know that is illegal in public!!

but I read about cleverness and hear cleverness all day

and that makes me despise cleverness

and I want to be as stupid as a fly

which I am

I don’t know how to earn a living

too tired to hustle

to unbelievable to preach

to fool the world and make money

i don’t know how to network or keep up

with people.

and you will fail in every way like that

So I stand before you stupid and naked

and with fear

but wait, no one is watching me though

they are on their phone.

so I can stupid without consequence

ya see

and I kinda like that or maybe

I  don’t so much

but I’m stupid and have no memory

please forgive me

say your name, and I just might forget it

quickly.  I do not know what do with myself

I walk the path of a forgotten sun

yet stand here naked and a fool for you

the gamble

to live for today or tomorrow

to live for the weekend

or a holiday or vacation,

forget today, because there will be

many more tomorrows

this is how a lot of people live

“delayed gratification”

not saying it’s wrong or right

it’s just there and is taught

and I think of a fool and wise man

the stereotype of a fool being reckless and spending

and the wise man, saving while waiting for an imagined future

it don’t work, it don’t work or may work

but no one knows what tomorrow will bring

so some of us try to live as best we can

with these dice and cards of life

 

Advice

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I am not comfortable giving it

it seems silly and stupid to me

and I don’t know why?

People are always giving it out

but most of it is terrible,

very little of their advice has

worked for me,

and is probably why I scorn their words,

and resent giving out advice

there is nobody that walk your unique path

your path is your own, and is given to you

by the universe,

and no one can walk it for you.

 

Super Heroes

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Never understood why they fascinate so many people?

I guess there is something lacking in the writer’s life

and he desires a super ability and a super body

which I can understand,  its fantasy, we need that
reality can be dull and limiting

and we want someone to save us,

but are the human superheroes not enough?

the guys who invented electricity, computers, cars, cures for
diseases, those people are heroes to me

not the work of a cartoonist imagination

I like my movies and books a little closer

to reality.

The World of Personality

 

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all those meshing together

being thrown into each other

bumping into each other,

not liking or digging each other

blaming astrology, or society

or the socio economic condition

or the Internet

we bump into each other,

there is never enough space

as the roaches and rats hurdle over

each other for mere crumbs

that’s the life and the old prosaic

saying, “rat race.”

blinding moving,

stumbling, excuse

looking out for the self, or the one’s we

want to help

there also those who don’t want or can’t

be helped

We, these forces bump into each other

The Years

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Can sometimes go by like a blur,

winding down the road, 1000 mph,

in this dark storm

you can’t see it or take notes along the way

a crazy time

a dull time moving by,

days, hours, minutes, a moment

the people who came and  went along the way

you can’t recapture a moment

you can’t recapture a moment

only partially in your mind,

for a brief time

you can’t go home again

ever

it’s sad

but that’s okay

 

Unsuccessful

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Spending too much time on Instagram,

seems like everyone is a success and it starts to bother me,

because I am not successful for my own reasons,

but i should know that they only smile for the camera

that they only show the good sides of their lives

and the bad

I don’t get  people

I would rather show the bad sides of my life

and take the worse pictures

that’s more authentic to me

showing people the real you

but I am blind and crippled to the doors

of success at 39

I don’t have my shit together

and I feel like it will never happen

i care, but I write and create or

whatever.

a  story of success in my head

that does not come true,

blah, that sounds like self pity

and that’s stupid

I have been brainwashed to believe in success

pitiful i am

for it doesn’t exist nor my blues either

Some People Can

 

Read souls, or its seems like it

blessed with great intuition about others

they are few, but they know your story

before you say anything,  or

just maybe they have met so many people

and know the various personalities in the world

yet, their eyes, their eyes purse through you

they know something, see things

others will not say or can perceive

these knowers interest me and fascinate

me

I try to be apart of their tribe

sometimes I am able to tell when

two parties I happen to know will

get a long or not

not always, but a lot of times i am

right

it’s a look in an eye, a walk, the sound

of voice that gives people away

their energy shroud the knowers

and a lot of times that energy

sucks for me,

very few give off that energy

I like, even live for.

 

Sitting on a Beer

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at the eternal bar

I arrive at  the bar alone and

leave alone.

this is the eternal bar

all those bars: dive bars, tittie bars, sports bars, dark,

bright,smoking bars and non smoking bars

between manual work, studying and home life

there’s eternal anxiety and thoughts shoot thru

my breezy head

the right amount of beer can calm the thoughts down

and prolong tomorrow. A place I don’t wanna be

I’m at the eternal bar, drinking a macho mug

and unsure of what tomorrow may bring.