What Am I Doing?

forty years old and sitting on park bench

on Sunny summer evening

what am I doing sitting here, meditating?

I manage to forget the past

and the future

I somehow remember being a child in park

I don’t feel like the it was that long ago

or that I am somehow different now

I am not different really.

Except some events have happened to me

some things come to me, I don’t remember

them.

I used to not believe in sin

I used to believe we were just dumb animals

doing stuff,

now I don’t know about that

but, somehow I want to cleanse myself

from everything that has ever happened

and return the saint

being not a virgin is very over rated thing

in the world at times.

 

People

File:A crowd at Fenway Park (13854185975).jpg

 

Are strange

worrying about such small things

holding on to such small things

shit, they worry about a car wash

a mowed lawn, a tidy room

and somehow miss to think about the really

important things, the important thing

the arguments are usually small arguments,

gossiping behind each others’ backs over goofy shit

not BIG arguments

the important shit seems to miss most of them,

I think about the important, the BIG THING

and all the small shit disappears

it’s like the hurricane is coming

and you’re worried about the missed space

on the lawn in which the mower missed

so unimportant in the grand scheme of things

and this is how the strange human mind works

unfortunately

“why did the lawn mower man miss that patch of grass,  why did he missed that patch of grass!!!”

 

they scream ridiculously.

Sitting like A Buddha

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I wanna sit down

and be quiet and get to know myself

in silence,

it’s hard to do that

i’ve sat on park benches and tried to understand others, by observing them,

movements, strides, clothing, shapes, skin color and all

but not myself, that’s a lot easier to do, and still impossible

but…

but

to know myself, that takes time and silence

and I’m addicted to alllll this stuff,

sights, sound and noise coming at me

and work… those 40 hours…that paycheck

if I was brave I would quit it alllll

and go towards the isolation road

but I don’t

the world has me in her clutches

and rides me as she pleases

and I forget it all, like a lap dance

 

 

 

Vipassana

File:Mahavir.jpg

The mind searches for little things on breaks at work

it cant be too serious

cute, semi nude picture of a girl on Instagram

crazy funny, texts with a friend about a girlfriend on messenger

I know, I should be more serious

but the mind doesn’t want that

it wants to laugh and smile,

need a break while your feet and back hurt

nothing serious please

no concentration

you don’t want that

some body troll me!!!

call me stupid, an idiot or ugly

in the Instragram comments

lets laugh at the ridiculous news of the day

a small respite from the workday world

squezzing its small noose on your neck

nothing serious please, we are immortal

 

What Is Within

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Everything that you repress

that is with in,

all your anger, jealousy

hatred lust is buried with in

all the times someone hurt you

all the times some one wounded

you, that is with in

when rejected  you repressed it  when they

repressed you all that is within

and your body does not forget it

it can repress the thing, but never forget it

when, you see a person

in that way,  you start to understand them

and that is okay

The Homeless

It seems like there is more of them

and they are getting younger

they need rooms and phone calls

and their cloths are bad and they smell bad

why so many homeless?

I do not know

but I do that I could easily be one of them

their tribe is rarely spoken to

the other classes want to pretend that

the do not exist

and I think about beggars and billionaires

and everyone else

shit isn’t fair i say

and my mind and ego says, “it is not supposed to be.”

The Mountain

File:Gyachung Kang.jpg

 

i guess most of us dream of the mountain

that perfect mountain we can go to

to get away from the madness of life

the society

the job  the traffic  the roads

the cars

the noise,

and all that anxiety

and most of us do not have ourselves

for some their is a need to get that

their center, their soul

and all that which is not me

can all fall away