sleep

File:Man sleeping on road at dhaka.jpg

i took a benedryl

and was knocked out for hours

in sleep

this sleep, dreamless at times

when I woke up, I thought it was

eight in the morning,

it was one in the after noon,

this Memorial day holiday

weekend.

I did nothing except sleep mostly

no plans

no trips

no yoga

no exercise

or  TV

it felt good to me,

not to notice what time it is

except it was my time for a while

and the world dissolved for me

into blue smoke

for awhile

What Am I Doing?

forty years old and sitting on park bench

on Sunny summer evening

what am I doing sitting here, meditating?

I manage to forget the past

and the future

I somehow remember being a child in park

I don’t feel like the it was that long ago

or that I am somehow different now

I am not different really.

Except some events have happened to me

some things come to me, I don’t remember

them.

I used to not believe in sin

I used to believe we were just dumb animals

doing stuff,

now I don’t know about that

but, somehow I want to cleanse myself

from everything that has ever happened

and return the saint

being not a virgin is very over rated thing

in the world at times.

 

The Clerk Is An Angel

I got to the grocery store and was impatient,

line building behind me, Sunday night  and cart full of groceries,

no bagger, he went home, meaning the cashier would have to bag the groceries

too, which will slow up the line.

the line didn’t have any movement, as still as the sky

this made me uncomfortable as it made others uncomfortable,

but people started chatting with each other, and I just picked up

a can of beans in my grocery cart and read the ingredients

I felt as uncomfortable as a traffic jam, almost unbearable to me

and the clerk’s voice was so calm, with no hint of frustration, or anger, or impatience,

and I haven’t seen anything like that in while, as he asked, “how I was feeling?”

I kinda snapped when i said, “just wish you had a bagger.”

with impatience and anger i was trying to temper, yet couldn’t quite do this.

I put the card in the machine, it holds and releases,

he gives me a receipt of the stuff I had bought,

his face is still so calm, I admire that

“have a good night I say.”

realizing my foolishness

People

File:A crowd at Fenway Park (13854185975).jpg

 

Are strange

worrying about such small things

holding on to such small things

shit, they worry about a car wash

a mowed lawn, a tidy room

and somehow miss to think about the really

important things, the important thing

the arguments are usually small arguments,

gossiping behind each others’ backs over goofy shit

not BIG arguments

the important shit seems to miss most of them,

I think about the important, the BIG THING

and all the small shit disappears

it’s like the hurricane is coming

and you’re worried about the missed space

on the lawn in which the mower missed

so unimportant in the grand scheme of things

and this is how the strange human mind works

unfortunately

“why did the lawn mower man miss that patch of grass,  why did he missed that patch of grass!!!”

 

they scream ridiculously.

Sitting like A Buddha

File:Kamakura-buddha-7.jpg

I wanna sit down

and be quiet and get to know myself

in silence,

it’s hard to do that

i’ve sat on park benches and tried to understand others, by observing them,

movements, strides, clothing, shapes, skin color and all

but not myself, that’s a lot easier to do, and still impossible

but…

but

to know myself, that takes time and silence

and I’m addicted to alllll this stuff,

sights, sound and noise coming at me

and work… those 40 hours…that paycheck

if I was brave I would quit it alllll

and go towards the isolation road

but I don’t

the world has me in her clutches

and rides me as she pleases

and I forget it all, like a lap dance

 

 

 

Vipassana

File:Mahavir.jpg

The mind searches for little things on breaks at work

it cant be too serious

cute, semi nude picture of a girl on Instagram

crazy funny, texts with a friend about a girlfriend on messenger

I know, I should be more serious

but the mind doesn’t want that

it wants to laugh and smile,

need a break while your feet and back hurt

nothing serious please

no concentration

you don’t want that

some body troll me!!!

call me stupid, an idiot or ugly

in the Instragram comments

lets laugh at the ridiculous news of the day

a small respite from the workday world

squezzing its small noose on your neck

nothing serious please, we are immortal